How to Wake an Aibou
by Shadow Orenda
Summary: Ryou Bakura's fallen and he won't wake up- much to his yami's dismay... [One-shot; sound-only; COMPLETE] (PG for inadvertent use of fanon)


One thing before the fun begins- this is a unique kind of fic. It's sound- only. No visual. Like watching a movie with the sound turned up, but masking tape over your eyes.  
  
And I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. I will, though. Just you watch.  
  
**************************************  
  
Whack! Whack! Whack!  
  
"Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!"  
  
Whump.  
  
Silence, then . . .  
  
"ZzzZzzzZZz . . ."  
  
A short, awkward pause . . .  
  
" . . .Ryou?"  
  
"ZzzZzzzZZz . . ."  
  
"Uh-oh . . ."  
  
**************************************  
  
Beep-beep-beep-boop-bop-beep!  
  
Rrriing . . .  
  
Rrriing . . .  
  
Rrriing . . .  
  
"Pick up already!"  
  
Rrriing . . .  
  
Rrriing . . .  
  
SLAM!  
  
"Drat it all, Marik's out doing evil deeds again. I hate that." A short silence. "Who else can I call, then?"  
  
A long silence.  
  
"You know, this is the problem with having no friends."  
  
More silence.  
  
"Oh no. Oh Ra no. Not her . . . not her . . ."  
  
A sigh.  
  
"Well, what choice do I have?"  
  
Beep-boop-beep-bop-beep-beep!  
  
Rrriing . . .  
  
Rrriing . . .  
  
Rrriing . . .  
  
"She can't be gone too . . ."  
  
Rrriing . . .  
  
"Pick up, pick up . . ."  
  
Rrriing . . .  
  
"Hello, you have reached Shadow Orenda, resident omnipotent authoress . . . she can't come to the phone now, though, so please leave a message aft--"  
  
"AARGH!!"  
  
"--Just kidding. Konnichiwa, thief king, how's it going?"  
  
" . . .I hate it when you do that."  
  
"Of course you do."  
  
"Someone's in a good mood today. Don't tell me you've been out wreaking havoc and destruction again."  
  
"Okay, I won't tell you."  
  
A sigh. "Whatever . . . Listen, could you help me with a little problem here?"  
  
"Where's 'here'?"  
  
"The hospital."  
  
"Whoah. How'd you manage that?"  
  
"Not in the hospital as in in the hospital, in the hospital as in at the hospital!"  
  
"Oh, I see. So why are you at the hospital, then?"  
  
An embarrassed pause, then-  
  
"It's Ryou."  
  
A groan. "What happened now?"  
  
"Well, um, I, that is . . ."  
  
Sigh. "What did you hit him with?"  
  
"Well. Um. A duel disc, actually."  
  
"A DUEL DISC?!"  
  
"Well, yes. The kid was really getting on my nerves. But now I can't get him to wake up, so I have no host body."  
  
"So how did you use the phone? Come to think of it, how'd you hit him with a duel disc in the first place?!"  
  
". . . Don't argue with anime logic! Anyway, haven't you ever seen a Yami take on a semi-transparent form??"  
  
"Umm. . . okay. I'll be right over."  
  
"Good. See you in a minute."  
  
"Bye."  
  
"G'bye."  
  
Click.  
  
Silence.  
  
". . . What did I just get myself into?"  
  
**************************************  
  
Knock, knock.  
  
"Who's there?"  
  
"It's Shadow."  
  
"It's Shadow who?"  
  
"Very funny. This isn't a knock-knock joke, now open up."  
  
". . . That was the worst punch line I've ever heard."  
  
A sigh, and the creak of a door opening.  
  
"Hallo, Shadow."  
  
"Hello." Footsteps. "Whoah . . . that is some bumb. What did he do to get you so angry?"  
  
"Um."  
  
"Spit it out."  
  
"Well, he . . . he . . ."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"He was humming."  
  
"Humming."  
  
"Er. Yes. 'Ode to Joy'. Very loudly. Over and over. Drove me insane."  
  
"I see."  
  
"I'm serious!"  
  
"Oh, no, no, no, I believe you. Humming 'Ode to Joy'. Perfectly good reason for attempted homicide."  
  
"Attempted h- I DIDN'T TRY TO KILL HIM!"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
An exasperated growl. "For crying out loud, Shadow, I-"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." A short silence. "So what now?"  
  
A slightly miffed grunt. "I was hoping that you could think of something."  
  
"Humph."  
  
More silence.  
  
". . . Shadow?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"Well. . ." Uncomfortable shuffling. "Er, Ryou is always talking about these stories where someone falls asleep, and the only way to wake them up is to-"  
  
"No."  
  
"But what if-"  
  
"No."  
  
"Maybe-"  
  
"Look, you've obviously been listening to your hikari way too much, it's ridiculous, he's obviously a bad influence on you, I would never sink so low, and unless you want to try it yourself, which would probably make me knock you out because I hate hentai, but anyway unless you want to try it," the speaker pauses for breath and finishes, "it's not going to happen."  
  
A long, drawn-out silence, then-  
  
"All right, then."  
  
"Good."  
  
More silence.  
  
"So . . ."  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"Any ideas?"  
  
"Well, we could . . ."  
  
Whispering.  
  
"Hmm . . . not a bad idea."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Except . . . Shadow?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why did you have to whisper?"  
  
"It's a plot device, my friend. A plot device."  
  
"Ah." A brief pause. "Wait a minute- please tell me you're not going to write a fanfic about this."  
  
"Who, me? No, of course not. Never."  
  
"Good. On three, then."  
  
"Right." Someone cracks their knuckles. "One . . . two . . . three!"  
  
"Heave!"  
  
Grunts. Wooden creaking.  
  
"A little higher!"  
  
More creaking. Rustling of blankets, and-  
  
Thump.  
  
"I'm losing my grip . . ."  
  
"S'aright. He's out."  
  
"Phew."  
  
Crash.  
  
A low moaning.  
  
"Great Scott . . ."  
  
"Shadow, you'd better go, he doesn't know who you are."  
  
"'Kay. See you."  
  
"'Bye."  
  
Footsteps. A door being slammed.  
  
"A-a-aren't you the spirit . . . of my Ring?"  
  
"The one and only."  
  
"Ah." Short, awkward silence. Suddenly, someone begins . . .  
  
to hum . . .  
  
Ode to Joy.  
  
"ARRGH!!"  
  
Whack! Whack! Whack!  
  
"Ow!" "Ow!" "Ow!"  
  
Whump.  
  
Silence, then . . .  
  
"ZzzZzzzZZz . . ."  
  
A short, awkward pause . . .  
  
". . .Ryou?"  
  
"ZzzZzzzZZz . . ."  
  
"Uh-oh . . ."  
  
**************************************  
  
A/N: No, I don't hate Ryou. And no, this was not intended to imply YB/S, RB/S, YB/RB, etc., etc. I hate hentai, and I also hate people who try to imply a romantic relationship between themselves and their favorite characters.  
  
And yes, Yami Bakura was slightly out of character. So sue me.  
  
Or rather, don't sue me, please. But feel free to review the fic. 


End file.
